All the single ladies? Keep your hands down, you're blocking the view.

If a single woman sobs in a forest and no one is around to hear her.. 

Does she make a sound? Trick question doofus, there's always someone who hears her, Jesus. And I don't mean to make it sound like blaspheming as in: "Jesus, of course someone will hear her." But actually, God hears. God cares. 

And of course you go:  "Oh Leah, when people read your blog entries (if anyone does at all), they should have a glass of wine on hand because you're sooo CHEESY. STOP." Yes I am. And I love it.

Disclaimer: I won't tell you anything new, or anything you haven't already heard from other "confident, secure and satisfied women-bloggers of God". I suppose this entry isn't just for the single ladies, but for everyone and every heart who desires God. 

Anyways, jokes and unnecessary intros aside, many weeks back I wrote a note on Facebook called "Discontent with Singleness". The title is self-explanatory, but in summary I just talked about my struggle in learning to find my fullest satisfaction in life from and in the one I was meant to find it all along, God. Only God satisfies fully, and completes us, no man and no other thing will do that, simply because we were made by Him and for Him. 

All the ladies know this truth. All the Christian ladies understand that "God is supposed to be your first love!!11!" And some people even like to liken Him to some kind of boyfriend. However, God's place and relationship to us should be, and is more than "Jesus is my Boyfriend". Jesus wants to be your true and first love. So God does not replace our heart's boyfriend-shaped hole, if anything, He is greater than that. 

Today's obligatory "Single ladies listen up" Valentine's day post is brought to you by Revelation. Here it is, about the "Loveless" church of Ephesus:

"Nevertheless I have this against you, that you have left your first love." Revelation 2:4

Context: Ephesus was a great church, and it was amazing at rooting out heresy etc etc. But they had lost their first love. Focusing on legalism, they had set love of Christ aside to focus on hunting down those who were in the wrong, essentially. 

What does this have to do with me as single/not-single lady?  Many many things. Because of a love-loss, for their first love, Ephesus' purpose was misaligned and the consequence would have been to have their "lampstand" removed; no longer being called to being a light proclaiming God's glory and gospel. And how can you expect to fulfill God's purpose if you have lost your love for your King? You're off track with God's plans. 

Loving God ought to come first, that is the greatest commandment: "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength.." (Luke 10:27). Anything less is essentially sin. To love God at all times with all of your being is pretty much impossible, but that is why Christ came. Love for God directs your purpose in life. It reminds you that whatever you had planned, and desired is very little in light of who God is. 

We must realize and remember the purpose for which we were made. Us for God's purpose. God has a plan, and it just so happens you are included. It's not a plan for your life specifically (that comes as a result of your entering into His will), but His plan for His purposes, which he has told us are Good. 

I'd say for a while that I was not thinking consciously about my love for God. I wasn't sure how to keep track of it or how to make sure I was "in love with God." Over the course of the last 3-4 months, I had gotten off track with God and was not devoting time to him, but trying to actively seek out relationships to fill the gap. I did this in order to divert my lonely heart and occupy my hunger for interaction. I knew "only God satisfies ;D", but I was unwilling to bend. I had a few revelations in between and the dissatisfaction with every conversation or empty moment that was not spent with God was very much noticed. 

With much wrestling and perseverance, mornings spent crying and praying, I recovered and had come to learn many things by God's grace and patience.

I remember sitting in my car, driving to Jr. High and sobbing because I was a single lady with no prospects, and all I wanted was to not be single any more. As I cry-prayed about my fears and desires, I heard God speak the simplest words to me: "Am I not enough?" 

Good question God. I asked myself this as I kept driving. "Of course you're enough, Lord..totally..I think?" To be honest, I had no idea. First of all, what does that really mean? And what does that even look like? I asked Him that. When you really don't know what seemingly simple words like "Am I enough" mean or entail, ask God. Ask about EVERYTHING. Chances are, you really have no idea. 

Over the time that followed, God showed me and gave me reminders of what I was made for; I was reminded of my first love. When I decided to follow Jesus, he really did expect and call me to abandon my desires, not to turn back and just strain ahead. And I discovered that His love for me, and my growing love for Him satisfied me, day by day. I was actually joyful again. Knowing and trusting that God has a set plan ought to give us such peace, because nothing you can do will speed it up or change it. Sure there are side paths you can take and they steer you off course, but in the end:

The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me;
    your steadfast love, O Lord, endures forever.
    Do not forsake the work of your hands. (Psalm 138:8)

God's plans are set in motion, and are crazy amazing. In all of this, I am still learning about how God is enough, how His plans are enough. But I know that the love of God satisfies me. 

Don't get me wrong, I struggle. I consider myself a confident woman who is doing her best to pursue God, but I do have bad days. I have days where "I-don't-need-no-man", and ones where I feel the pangs of loneliness very much. That's where cats come in (haw haw). Practice truth and seek to know Jesus, why he did things, how he did things and how he made it through this crazy life.

There's much difference in knowing the truth about God and living it out. Challenge yourself to live it out; struggle, persevere and strive for it. 

Do not let your singleness get you down. It's not the end of the world. If you find yourself worrying more about why you're single and waiting for the next best thing, you'll tire yourself out. And you've lost sight of your first love. This also applies for those who aren't single - do not forsake your first love, and your first purpose on this planet, and do not let anything or anyone else get in the way of it.

Single ladies, remember the purpose for which you were made. When your hand is raised, all you're thinking about is what you wanted to say (ie: your declaration of singleness), instead of what God desires to tell you.

Ask yourself three things after you read this:

1. Who is my first love?
2. For whose purpose was I made?
3. Is God enough for me?

Then watch this and think about the words:

Have a very blessed Valentine's day.