Doing the Impossible [Part 2]: "I'm in love with a man.."

Now what?

3 months ago I finished school. I was preparing to get out into the world, to get a job, see a different city and meet new people. In my mind that was the plan, tentative, but still the plan. I was really contemplating finish up my time in Ottawa, tying up loose ends and preparing to search for work elsewhere. 

I felt like my faith needed new hurdle, and I was hungry for a challenge. I desperately wanted big spiritual growth.

I think I prayed about it. I'm definitely sure I did because I remember asking God a whole lot for growth and direction. All I got was silence for a few days, but I was waiting patiently, or trying to. 

A few days later, the answer came in the form of a person. Someone who had been burned by community, or the lack of. I felt God stirring the word in my heart. 

Community. 

Over the time that passed in December, He opened my eyes to more people, more lonely and hurting individuals. My plans to move away had unraveled as I felt called to use my "free-time" (which also doubled as job-hunting time) to attempt to connect on a deeper level with people who thirsted for community. 

I could not do this alone. Community is not built out of the power or desire of just one individual. As the time passed, more and more it seemed that the lack of community had long been stirring in the heart of the faithful few who had been consistently praying over the church community at Cedarview. 

There is progress. God is on the move, and He always is. Lately I feel like I've been on the edge of a tidal wave; I've been sensing that God is going to make huge changes at Cedarview and the surrounding community. It's the feeling of being on the cusp of something unfathomable. It starts with me, and it starts with you. 

The Spirit, Community and Love.

Last entry I talked about how I had learned and was still learning about two things:

1. Community & the body of Christ

2. Walking in and according to the Spirit of God

And now I was being mentored specifically in Love. 

Community and the body of Christ does not exist apart from God's Spirit's leading and God's love. There are many other components to community that I'm sure I'll learn about, but for now this is where I am at. 

Love must be God centered and God powered. 

It's true what everyone says: we must choose to love. If we only loved when we felt like it, that would nullify the definition of love altogether. But as I said last time, trying to love people to God's standard is impossible for me to do. I burn out, I get impatient and I get angry when I try and fail. 

You love according to the Spirit of God in you. That's the only way Jesus did it, that's the only way Jesus did anything; he lived life perfectly by and in the Spirit of God: 

“I can do nothing on my own. As I hear, I judge, and my judgment is just, because I seek not my own will but the will of him who sent me." (John 5:30)

The love that God expects us to give to others cannot not come from within ourselves, it must originate from God: 

"..and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." (Romans 5:5)

Apart from God we'll find that our efforts fall short, and we will inevitably burn out. It's like pouring out from a limited supply. Service must arise from an overflow of love. Jesus poured himself out for others constantly, serving them. His supply never ran dry, simply because he drew it from God. 

When God's love is poured into us by His Spirit, we become able to love the way He loves others. We must lay down and sacrifice our desires in order to desire Christ above all, and so become devoted to Him and His interests. 

When you're so devoted and in love with someone, you'd do anything for them. The same goes with Jesus. Paul was a prime example of that. He loved and was so devoted to Christ that all he wanted was to love others and lead them to Jesus. He poured out his life in service in order that they might be drawn to Christ. All that Paul ever did attracted people to Jesus and never to himself:

"I will most gladly spend and be spent for your souls.." (2 Corinthians 12:15)

“I have become all things to all men, that I might by all means save some..” (1 Corinthians 9:22). 

The point Paul is making is this: in order to love people to God's fullest standard, we must learn to love Christ first. 

I don't know what I was doing before, but it wasn't true love. I look back and realize I didn't know how to love Christ and in turn I could not love or serve others to the fullest. 

I don't say this to beat down or demean whatever service and ministry I have done in the past. I say all this to understand how the love I thought I was offering still was not good enough, it still wasn't love. Love that God gives to people is so much greater, it is purely sacrificial and selfless to the core. I offered love, but it was still so very tainted. I cannot say I have ever become a doormat for people out of love for Christ, as Paul did. 

Jesus even put aside the weariness of the disciples, in order to love the people in need:

 "When he went ashore he saw a great crowd, and he had compassion on them, because they were like sheep without a shepherd. And he began to teach them many things." (Mark 6:34)

He knew that their need for God, their need for salvation was greater than any other need, and he loved and gave himself fully for these crowds of people. 

Our community of believers exists by the Spirit's power and leading. It exists as individuals within the community desire Christ above all, and so love each member in order to draw each person to Christ moment by moment. In turn, the community body comes together united in its love for Jesus, to draw others to Himself. 

A heart devoted to Christ is devoted to His interests and His loves: the glory of God and people.