Taking a breath.

It feels like I've been walking through a thorn bush lately. Not literally, because that would be awful. I've been getting pricked and annoyed by a lot of things, but it hasn't just been annoyance. There's been anger, paranoia, sadness, loneliness, jealousy and the like. I've been plagued by scenarios that just seem to get at me and challenge me spiritually. It's not that everything has become a spiritual challenge or battle, they always have been, I've just finally started seeing them more as training grounds. 

I sat around wallowing. Something happened, yet again, to set me off on a self-reflection tangent. No details necessary. The most important thing was knowing that while I was reflecting, I knew I had a choice. I could weep over the circumstance, do something stupid, text my friends all my woes, let myself get over-emotional and explode in hurt and feels, OR fall into gracious arms, express my emotions on a level head to an ever-waiting God, who has all the grace and patience in the world to help me understand the situation, and grow. 

I was inclined to chose the latter, and I did. Trust me, the first option is always extremely tempting, but also not exactly good for me and my spiritual growth (it basically equates to throwing a tantrum). I lay on my bed and closed my eyes, took a breath, and with tears rolling down the corners of my eyes, I prayed. I put on "Everything" by Tim Hughes, because in that moment, that song was all I could think about. I let the lyrics become my prayer. It was all I honestly wanted to say, and all I could bear to muster. 

As the chorus rang out with, "Christ in me, the hope of glory," that was all I wanted to want. I have been chasing a lot of everything and have become tired and weary. But all this time, I've known that my rest lies with Christ. I had been finishing Philippians, and just in this moment decided to keep reading into Colossians. I came to Colossians 1:27:

"27 To them God chose to make known how great among the Gentiles are the riches of the glory of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory."

I thought to myself how fitting this was that I should hear the song, then be led to this. God gave me a moment to reflect on how blessed I have been in being given an opportunity to know Him. I had a moment now to be real with Christ. Before going to the phone (and texting my friends), going to the throne. 

In my pain, Christ in me, the hope of something greater than this earth, keeps me sane. Christ in me the hope of glory keeps me from falling off the deep end, by reminding me that He is greater, and He must become greater in me. A mystery has been revealed to me, that I did not earn, a great privilege and grace - Christ. 

Whenever you face the crap of life, take a moment to breathe, stop, and use the time to get personal with Jesus. Instead of worshipping your emotions, worship God. Those moments either become emotional tantrums, or opportunities for great growth and maturity. 

Pressing On.

My mind went straight to the Relient K song as soon as I typed that title (oh the early 2000's).

Anyways.

Here I am. I'm back home after having been gone 2 weeks. I'm back in my familiar surroundings and I'm back in a familiar situation. A situation very close and similar to where I was back in December, before my big trip to Hong Kong. 

Before leaving the country, both times I was in a place of feeling really spiritually lame. Lame in the exact sense of the word - feeling incapable, stuck and helpless. In both cases I didn't really feel like spending time with God. Being thrown into a different culture was another added stress, because that meant adjusting, it meant being on guard and more self-conscious. All that takes energy, and all my focus is poured into those face-guarding activities, so my spiritual welfare usually suffers. 

Now I come back, feeling the same way I did back in December. This time around, I'm not panicked, or feeling a sense of desperation to get myself "fixed". Facing this scenario, round two, I have trained through the first round, and have learned from the past. The wind and waves have knocked me down, but I know God hasn't left me, I know He will bring me through this, this is only a season. 

The thing to do is just get up and get back in the saddle as soon as you can. I've started to think less on the "failures", and pitfalls I've run into, and have just learned to keep enduring, continue striving. One step at a time, claiming the little victories. 

When your focus gets distorted, you just have to check-in, change perspective and set it right again:

"If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. 2 Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. 3 For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God." (Colossians 3:1-3)

It's in us to be able to set eyes on things above, on the things of God, as opposed to the things on this planet that steal our attention constantly. And the promises of God are so much more assuring, so much more peace-bringing and joy-filling.

Our first "job" has always been to love God and to serve Him wherever we are. Time's pretty limited so it's best to humbly learn from the mistakes, saddle up and press onward, hearts set on our hope in Christ, always persevering.