Country Hopping

It's been about 6 years since I was last in London. Still as bustling as ever, but I love it here all the same. 

The traveling has been nice. I got to London at 6:20AM local time, running on 1 hour of sleep with a full day of plans ahead. Got picked up by my wonderful aunt who drove us to Oxfordshire for the next day and a bit. Our first big tourist location was Blenheim palace, where Winston Churchill lived. Beautiful place. The area of Oxfordshire is quaint, peaceful and just all around an eye full of gorgeous greenery.

I'd rather not type out all the details of the trip, but this past weekend we have been in London, and are now finishing up in Greece. I've only now started to head into "vacation" mode. It's harder for me than most to just relax, leave my worries and stresses at home and enjoy myself. My mind works somewhat obsessive compulsively, in a very intense manner, so surrendering thoughts is hard. 

Suffice it to say, I did get a bit homesick. I know, what a baby. It's not that I haven't done trips like this, I've been away longer, I've been further away too. I've felt more at home in Hong Kong than I have in London. I was blessed to hang out with my friend Michelle, living in Dublin, visiting London for the weekend. Seeing a familiar face in s foreign country feels so comforting. Very similar to finding an oasis in the desert, to be sure. We chased pigeons, touched squirrels, took a trip over to Trafalgar square, St. James park, and around Piccadilly. All around a very lovely afternoon.

Being reunited with my older cousins was so good. A very sweet reunion indeed. They look as if they haven't aged since we last saw them, but us kids certainly shot up. 

I've taken around 800 photos since Friday and cannot wait to sort through them, edit them and then upload them all when I'm home. Working only with a 18-55mm lens is challenging, I don't get the shots I want all the time. But all's well. 

Greece has been pleasant. Well, more than pleasant. It's been beautiful, the sights have been more than amazing. Pictures are boring in comparison and can only serve as reminders of the feelings I felt when I saw the places depicted in each image. I find photos are extremely personal things. 

I can't wait to be home. Not to say that I haven't enjoyed my time away and my time seeing different worlds..but there is no place like home. 

Spring Cleaning.

"...For My house will be called a house of prayer for all the peoples."

(Isaiah 56:7, Matthew 21:13) 

I've been at a lack of contentment lately. There has been lack of satisfaction in my life as a result of not finding my satisfaction in the Lord. 

The devil always likes to hit us in areas that we do not expect, the areas we do not sweep completely clean. It has been no different with me. God has been speaking to me about my discontentment, about my envy and my inner unsuspected idolatry. I feel the great need to have Him clear the temple, because this house of prayer has become cluttered with the burdens and desires of this world. Prayer - the seeking of God's will and desires, has been quite absent.

Covetousness and envy have been the greatest idols of my heart as of late.These are the obstacles that have been indirectly running my happiness and state of mind. They have made me feel many times physically ill and exhausted this week.

This is how I would define idols: they are the things I use to define my righteousness, the things that flirt with and influence my sense of worth and pride. 

The biggest relief I have received out of this struggle against coveting and discontentment has been realizing that they have been affecting my functional trust in Christ. The most important part of the battle against sin is waking up, actually seeing the sin at hand and struggling against it. But this is only half the battle.

We must be ruthless with sin. We must see it and call it out for what it is. Then we must take it to the cross, the only place where it is really destroyed. Taking sin to the cross, does not leave room for self-pity and guilt. Self-pity looks at what a mess my sin has gotten me into, how it has ruined my life; hating oneself, while the sin still holds control. Repentance takes sin to the cross, it consider how this sin has grieved the Father, what this sin has cost Him. It causes us to hate the sin. We see Christ died out of a commitment to our holiness, that He died so that we wouldn't have to sin; Jesus died to bring us a righteousness we could not earn. When we see Christ, sin loses its hold in our lives, we no longer want to hold on to idols. 

I've been slowly working through envy and discontentment. It takes preaching truth to myself, examining my heart, all the while experiencing such brokenness because of this sin, not because it will ruin my life, but because I know it is hurtful and insulting to my heavenly Father. I know this house longs to be cleaned of fleshly filth, and to instead be a warm house to the Spirit of God, full of truth and full of God's desires.

It takes repentance and acting out in faith to tear down the idols of the heart. Cleaning should occur every day. Repentance should happen every day, and it is made possible because of Christ.  

Firm Justice, Extreme Love.

I desperately wanted to name this "Rebecca Black's Good Friday" but thought that would be extremely stupid. And of course it is, and it makes no sense, other than the fact that it is Good Friday and that song has died off, though it has obviously left its mark in our world.

You know who else died today and left even a greater mark, and not only a mark, but a life changing revolution in hearts? Jesus. 

(Mind the awful segue.)

"But God demonstrates His own love for us in this, that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for the ungodly." (Romans 5:8)

God demonstrates His own love for us. He shows us not only His love, but what true love looks like: Jesus. From the day He was born to His death on the cross and return to the Father, we see God's justice, grace, love, mercy and glory. Jesus at the center of it all. 

We must know the justice and righteousness of God in order to know His love and grace. We must know that God hates your sin, and my sin, and we are full of it. But this is what makes grace so amazing, and God's love so unfathomable. God's justice gives us context for His love and grace.

Know the weight of your sin, know the justice of God, but know His love and grace for you through Jesus. 

In death and sacrifice, we see the glorious unfolding of God's great plans. 

"Yet it was the will of the Lord to crush him;
    he has put him to grief;
when his soul makes an offering for guilt,
    he shall see his offspring; he shall prolong his days;
the will of the Lord shall prosper in his hand.

Out of the anguish of his soul he shall see and be satisfied;
by his knowledge shall the righteous one, my servant,
    make many to be accounted righteous,
    and he shall bear their iniquities." (Isaiah 53:10-11)

The Little Things.

I have been speeding through my past few weeks. Every day goes by on a rapid fire setting and before I know it, I can't even recall what was so special about that day. I don't recall learning anything or anything important happening. 

I don't know about you, but I strongly dislike feeling that. I don't like going through a day, just having it pass me by like it was just another breath. The feeling of coming away from a day not having picked up anything, or learned anything about life, the world or more specifically, God, leaves me feeling sick and dull. 

The Little Details.

Reading yesterday's Utmost entry was a great reminder. Chambers talked about how we forget about the little things; we don't focus or pay attention to the details sometimes, we deem the small things as insignificant. But Chambers notes that "Nothing in our lives is a mere insignificant detail to God." To quote more of Chambers:

"You no more need a day off from spiritual concentration on matters in your life than your heart needs a day off from beating. As you cannot take a day off morally and remain moral, neither can you take a day off spiritually and remain spiritual. God wants you to be entirely His, and it requires paying close attention to keep yourself fit."

Pretty much sums up my thoughts completely. We must actively focus on the details of a day. We must actively learn to discern that the small details of our days and lives are significant to God. God can and will use all things, big and small, to teach and admonish us. He desires to use all things to bring us to a knowledge of Himself. Never, never, never think that God's not working.

We need to practice listening to and seeking the Lord in the mundane and small things. It's easy to become jaded to the world, and God's power. It is completely in our freewill to choose whether to see an event as the providence of God, or just a random occurrence. But the more we choose to see even the smallest events as a random happening, it makes us more dull and unappreciative of who God is, and how powerful and gracious He really is. 

I often find myself forgetting that God is the one who has  the final say, this often happens when I don't spend a good amount of focused time reading the Bible or in worship in general. The focus gets put on myself and how upset or tired I am. I get mad at the small things and see them as obstacles instead of opportunities. 

Submitting to the Spirit of Christ in us is important in paying attention to the details. He shows us the Father's heart, and knows what's up. He wants to draw us closer to God. When we submit to Him, we find that the small things are important, the small details matter.God shows us His sovereignty and teaches us great reliance in Himself and as a result, grows us in wisdom as we bring before Him all things in our lives. 

Committing all things to God means throwing our complete weight on Him, trusting Him absolutely and acting. We must say: "I trust you, give me or withhold from me whatever you choose. Lord, what You will, when You will, how You will." And this applies to all things in our life, big and small, and God will work it for the good He intends. 

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart,

    and do not lean on your own understanding.

 

In all your ways acknowledge him,

    and he will make straight your paths."(Proverbs 3:5-6) 

Days End.

First time I've had nothing to write about.

And yet, all I want to do is write about something. I want to barf out my thoughts into a tangible form.

I write when there's been inspiration, when something I deem notable has happened. I don't know really. Nothing seems notable to me this week, just personal things happening, small events. Maybe I haven't been paying much focus to the day's events. I think it feels like I've lived in my head a lot this week. I've been thinking a lot, so while I may not have been very physically active, in my head I feel exhausted. 

I have a girl's brain, a girl's mind, coupled with my slightly OCD personality, I really like to work and almost obsess about certain things out in my head, I keep everything written in my mind, so I live in it a lot. Not the best idea, I don't externalize as much as I could be. This makes me realize that drawing is one of the best outlets for externalization that I have. Pretty neat.

If I had to think about the most notable thing I encountered this week, it would have to be reading this in Psalm 39:

“O Lord, make me know my end

    and what is the measure of my days;

    let me know how fleeting I am!

 

Behold, you have made my days a few handbreadths,

    and my lifetime is as nothing before you.

Surely all mankind stands as a mere breath!" (Psalm 39:5)

 I just love this because it stands out. It hits me differently and inspires me. It stands out against the thoughts and culture of today's way of life. We'd rather not think about our mortality. And when tragedies occur so close to home, we reflect on it for a moment, question why, take whatever meaning from these events and move on. 

When God allows us to witness death in the lives close to us, it makes life real, to me at least. I don't mind remembering my mortality. I want to realize it. I want to know how perishable my life is. It sounds awfully morbid, but I think it's necessary to ask for us to know our temporality.

 I don't want to live forever. I just want to live in the span of time I'm supposed to live, whether that is until I'm 86 or 27. Whatever the number of years is that I have left, I surely do not know. The comfort in Christianity is that though my days are numbered, they are not in vain. My finite days are equipped with a purpose that extends beyond this earthly existence. Somewhere in all of us we seek a sense of permanence and eternity, we want more. I like to think that's because that's the part of us that knows we were made for something greater, something eternal. 

As C.S Lewis said:

“If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world.”

 A verse that came to mind a few days after was from Ephesians:

"Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil." (Ephesians 5:15-16)

As a Christian, I have a responsibility in this life, to follow and serve God. I have a responsibility to make the most of the time I have been given. 

It reminds me of my last post about living with open hands. When we view the time we have on this earth as a gift, that has a specific purpose, we treat the life we have been given with greater respect, and make sure each day counts. 

SPRING.

Sunshine, shorts and shaving

Thank God for spring. I love the cold of winter, but oh with my life do I ever long for the warmth and freshness of the spring air. 

I decided to cut down my leg forest in order to prepare for the double digits headed Ottawa's way today. I love it. 

To me, spring spells freedom. I absolutely dislike wearing socks. My feet feel choked by the fabric and suffocated by the sweaty air produced as they sit contained for hours. If I could, I would run around barefoot or in flip flops all day, every day. 

With spring comes renewal as well. New life, new growth and new opportunities. With this season I hope to start a new job (part-time) working in a Chiropractor clinic. The details have yet to be settled and figured out, but it seems almost certain that I will be coaching people in healthy living. Praise God. 

I'm looking forward to the new things to come. New friendships, new teachings, and new experiences. It's like a trail mix of exciting and scary. But in all things, I learn to trust that everything is in God's hands. Come what may, I cannot predict what will happen in the days to come, and I could not have pictured myself ending up where I am now, but I know it's all good. 

“Remember not the former things,
    nor consider the things of old.
 Behold, I am doing a new thing;
    now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?
I will make a way in the wilderness
    and rivers in the desert." (Isaiah 43:18-19)

It's all good.

Submissive hearts and open hands

"Back to the Basics"

Living life with an open hand, or rather open hands is part of the image that comes to my mind when I hear the word generosity. Generosity is a character of God and His spirit. It is a trait of the Spirit that we experience as we know God's generosity and grace to us. Generosity becomes us as we fill up with God and let the goodness we experience overflow to others around us.

But even before that, I have been constantly reminded this week by the fact that we must grasp the sovereignty of God first. It's funny how God works that way, He always makes it clear what He wants me to hear, by repeating the message through many people all in the short span of a few days. He does this without fail. 

I attended this Children's Ministry conference, Vault, this past Saturday as a volunteer. To be honest, I didn't expect to glean much from it, but as always I was pleasantly surprised. The main speaker, Pastor Sam Luce of Redeemer Church in Utica, NY, blew me away. I have never been so gently and humbly challenged in my whole life. I remember thinking during one of his talks that I would listen for part of it, then jet off to look for someone to hang out with or go on my phone. But with every word, I was persuaded to stay in the sanctuary and I'm glad I did. 

The teaching was solid. God's truth was evident and I was blessed by every word that God spoke through this man's mouth. What struck me the hardest was how he opened the day with his "Back to the Basics" message on the sovereignty of God. It was a simple sermon that really had a chance to sink deeply into my heart. 

The fact is, God is sovereign. It means He has the right to do whatever He wants, whenever He wants. He does not need my permission, He does not wait for me to be ready for something, or be expectant of something before He acts. On the other hand, He prepares me, He enables me to enter into His presence and will. God is not commanded or persuaded by my prayers, but rather He changes me through prayer. He is sovereign, He is steadfast, He is the Lord. 

When we let go of our desire for control and realize that we never had control, we can rest in the sovereignty of God. We find peace in Him because we come to know that nothing we have is ours and that truly:

"Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change." (James 1:17)

All things have been given to us, we are not owners but rather caretakers and renters on this planet. Even as Job realized:

"And he said, “Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked shall I return. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.”" (Job 1:21)

The things of this world will pass away, that is certain. It is also certain that God is the one who gives the gifts and has the right to take them away. It's hard not to grow attached to the things of this world, and yet we must realize them for what they are, gifts and means to glorify God. We live on borrowed things and borrowed time, but we are absolutely cared for by a loving and sovereign God. 

Living with open hands indicates that we trust in God's sovereign character and that our hands are open to surrender; praising Him, instead of holding onto the things that never really belonged to us in the first place. God's sovereign nature enables and encourages us to be generous. We give freely of ourselves and of our materials not because we believe Jesus was a great role model to emulate, but because we love Jesus, and know that He loves us and is the one who provides. Generosity is found in the overflow of the love we have for Christ the Lord, and in our trust and submission to His sovereignty. 

My heart's desires.

Is this what God wants?

I've been getting that question a lot lately. From everyone. Not literally everyone, but a lot of people, all in the span of a week. It's funny, even Joyce Meyers (on the radio) was talking about it as I drove in to Youth group on Wednesday night. 

It's a fair question to ask. Is this direction I'm deciding on what God wants or what I want? How do I know? 

I mulled this question over a lot.The thing is, I know how to live it. I've been in tough situations, I've had to make some personally big decisions, but I would have trouble describing it. I don't want to say it's a feeling, because we all know feelings are flippant and unstable. I would describe knowing "what to do", and following "God's desires" as a deep knowing, a familiarity. 

One of the girls in my small group pointed this out to me this Wednesday night: "You always say that. "You have to get to know God to understand such and such", every night." But it's true. I would say it out of habit, but this night it hit home that one truly has to know God and get to know Him personally in order to get anywhere in this life, in order to serve Him and to love Him. 

Knowing God helps us to know His will. The Spirit of God enables us to desire and know the Father. He shows us what the Father desires. The main point is this: When you know and love the Father and what He loves and desires, His desires become your desires. 

We get distracted by the situations in front of us. We get caught up in the choices we must make, we ask God what decision He wants us to make. I think the first thing we must remember is that we must know the heart of God. When we know His heart, the decisions become clear. It becomes clear what would please Him in any given matter. 

God doesn't baby us. He won't tell us each step to take. That's what makes this relationship with Him real and free. God doesn't tell us every little thing we should do in every single situation. As we know Him, we know what pleases Him, and what doesn't. There is great freedom in knowing what pleases God and makes His heart sing.  

"Delight yourself in the Lord,

    and he will give you the desires of your heart." (Psalm 37:4)

This verse is exactly what I'm talking about - know the Lord, and His desires become yours. If you truly desire God, the only one worth your life, He will give you the desires of your heart - Himself, and His desires. 

I mentioned this in my previous post, let the specifics of your problem fade and let Jesus take center focus. Don't let the situation at hand distract you from its purpose - to draw you ever closer to God, that you may know Him. 

Walk according to the Spirit of God; read your Bible and pray at every moment, so that you will have no doubt about who God is and what He desires.