Hardly Easy.

The Lesson

I woke up Tuesday morning at 5:30AM. 

An early start, to be sure. I had for a purpose and mission, which I chose to accept, to babysit (in my eyes) the most adorable baby chub monkey in the world. 

I find that when I'm up extremely early in the morning, while not completely functional, I think a lot. I think deeply. Early mornings are the times when I think with a deep consideration. My thoughts click on a much more serious level, and the weight of their considerations really hits home. 

Christianity is most certainly not for the faint of heart.

Christianity is not easy in any sense. It is the most difficult thing in the world to be a Christian. And I am not talking simply about persecution or trials, or the matter of trusting an invisible God. 

Sacrifice is painful. Surrender is hard. 

I considered the people I cared about who aren't Christians, or even the prospect of what it would be like to date a non-Christian. As much as you love and cherish these people in your life and want God for them, you have to step back, and realize just how much of a miracle your life as Christian is in the first place. The reason you came to faith, was by grace alone. As far as I can understand, the prospect of giving up everything in your life, sacrificing your whole entire life to God, is not something natural. 

The act of giving up all rights to yourself, and to your natural desires is wild and daunting. And yet that is what God wants from every human being. He wants relationship (Christ is our example of the perfect relationship), and from that flourishes, obedience. Obedience born out of love, willing and unyielding. 

Oswald Chamber explains it well:

"In our natural life our ambitions change as we grow, but in the Christian life the goal is given at the very beginning, and the beginning and the end are exactly the same, namely, our Lord Himself. We start with Christ and we end with Him—”. . . till we all come . . . to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ . . .” (Ephesians 4:13), not simply to our own idea of what the Christian life should be. The goal of the missionary is to do God’s will, not to be useful or to win the lost. A missionary is useful and he does win the lost, but that is not his goal. His goal is to do the will of his Lord."

God does not have in mind for us the goal to self-serve, let alone serve to in order to win the lost. Our goal is in obedience to Him. A Christian's goal is to become like Christ - one whose Spiritual life (the life of Christ) has overcome the natural life, which results in absolute obedience to the Father. This is a feat, not natural to man, and absolutely unfathomable to the non-believer. It is a transformation not possible by human means or efforts. 

So what does God want from us? 

God's desire is that every human being enter into relationship with Him, one that resembles that between Christ Jesus and Himself. 

Obedience is costly. People generally do not like sacrificing their earthly wants and desires, for we use these things to lead our lives and dictate our choices. Christianity demands sacrifice, it is a 'religion' that cries out for the practice of sacrifice. Because, in order to enter into our intended supernatural purpose, we must surrender the natural. 

"23 And he said to all, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me." (Luke 9:23) 

This here is the image of the life of a Christian on the earth. This is the picture of obedience, love and devotion. We come to this point because of the grace of God. We cannot realize the end of ourselves on our own, we cannot simply "give up" our sinful nature. At the end of the day, we need grace - the unmerited intervention of the power of God in our lives.

And by grace, we enter into the most fulfilling relationship we were made for, and we will be utterly satisfied in Christ. 

The Connecting Point

This thing happens where God gives me a lot of answers and leaves me to decode the puzzle. I am given a lot of knowledge, but the true application and deciphering of how it applies in my life is usually lost. I spew out the wisdom, but cannot really understand how I need to use it. To anyone else it seems clear, but to me, I have trouble seeing the point.

Through the grace of God, I get the point of this tidbit though. I need to start treating my relationship with God as an actual relationship with someone I truly love and cherish. I can't put it in its own category. I can't segregate it and say it's "that special relationship" over there, and here are all my other relationships over here. It is a relationship, pure and simple, no different than any other I have, except for the fact that it is the most important one. 

I'm in this relationship not because I have to. No one maintains communication with a friend simply out of habit. We share similar interests, and values for one, and there is much more that draws me to them. Take an interest in your Lord. Sure, this is prodded by the Spirit in you, but you also have to feed that desire, and help it to blossom. 

Find every excuse to cherish God and to enjoy Him. 

Firm Justice, Extreme Love.

I desperately wanted to name this "Rebecca Black's Good Friday" but thought that would be extremely stupid. And of course it is, and it makes no sense, other than the fact that it is Good Friday and that song has died off, though it has obviously left its mark in our world.

You know who else died today and left even a greater mark, and not only a mark, but a life changing revolution in hearts? Jesus. 

(Mind the awful segue.)

"But God demonstrates His own love for us in this, that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for the ungodly." (Romans 5:8)

God demonstrates His own love for us. He shows us not only His love, but what true love looks like: Jesus. From the day He was born to His death on the cross and return to the Father, we see God's justice, grace, love, mercy and glory. Jesus at the center of it all. 

We must know the justice and righteousness of God in order to know His love and grace. We must know that God hates your sin, and my sin, and we are full of it. But this is what makes grace so amazing, and God's love so unfathomable. God's justice gives us context for His love and grace.

Know the weight of your sin, know the justice of God, but know His love and grace for you through Jesus. 

In death and sacrifice, we see the glorious unfolding of God's great plans. 

"Yet it was the will of the Lord to crush him;
    he has put him to grief;
when his soul makes an offering for guilt,
    he shall see his offspring; he shall prolong his days;
the will of the Lord shall prosper in his hand.

Out of the anguish of his soul he shall see and be satisfied;
by his knowledge shall the righteous one, my servant,
    make many to be accounted righteous,
    and he shall bear their iniquities." (Isaiah 53:10-11)

Perfect Love.

The best moments with God occur when I'm at my worst. 

It always happens that I really get a hit of the character of God when I'm sobbing to Him about something painful in my life, as I drive to church (it's only happened 3 times now, I'm not actually as unstable as I sound). The conversations usually run from complete and utter human, man-centered words and thoughts, to a God-centered, God focused and God-inspired turn around. 

I come to great realizations as I pull up to the church, 3/3 times. 

These therapeutic sessions usually take place when something really starts to hurt inside, and I get hyper emotional and excited, and just feel utterly weak and self-focused. They arise when I stop setting my heart on God, and get distracted for a moment, concerning myself with my wants and the situations of others instead of God in all His goodness and splendor. 

This day's issue, I won't go into detail on, but suffice to say was about a form of emotional pain I would inevitably have to endure later on down the road, and I didn't want to have to face it. I wanted to do all I could to ensure I would alleviate the amount of pain that would arise when the day finally came. I cried to God, asking if He would be able to do that, to make that time less painful and straining for me. I feel like I have already endured enough. 

Many people suffer through physical or emotional pain for longer periods of time than I have. I've only been in the painful refining fire for 3 years, some people have been in it for 8 and more. Still I, like anyone else, desire to avoid pain. Don't get me wrong, I know Christ promised us pain and trials, and I do weigh the glory to be revealed from the pain and suffering (that is the hope of glory, Christ revealed in me), but I am also very human. I would seek to endure the least amount of pain possible. Wouldn't you? No one goes out of his/her way to endure trials in order to be refined, Job didn't ask to be put through fire. But I guess when you love God, and live life in complete obedience, the road doesn't get smoother, it gets narrower and very often rougher in spots.

While the words offered in prayer through the tears were exiting my mouth, God was at the same time stirring my heart, He does this faithfully. I always find in instances such as car-cry-prayers (as I like to call them), where I pray out loud with all honesty and transparency, God changes me, He shows me something of Himself. 

I had moved slowly enough through Mark during my devo times to read this (perfect timing), and I was reminded of it as a I drove:

"33 And he took with him Peter and James and John, and began to be greatly distressed and troubled. 34 And he said to them, “My soul is very sorrowful, even to death. Remain here and watch.”[d] 35 And going a little farther, he fell on the ground and prayed that, if it were possible, the hour might pass from him. 36 And he said, “Abba, Father, all things are possible for you. Remove this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will.” (Mark 14:33-36)

Now, I can't compare the level of suffering or pain that I have yet to experience or am currently experiencing to Christ, but the situation still falls along similar lines. Jesus endured and lived His purpose on this earth perfectly. He lives for will of God - He loves the Father perfectly. 

Much in the same way I am living with the shadow of an inevitable future refining fire of pain, Jesus lived with the knowledge of His inevitable immense suffering. However, he did not live in the shadow of it the way I do. Jesus took on each day for what it was, a new day with new mercies in order to glorify God anew. Yes the suffering and sacrifice were inevitable, He made sure to tell His disciples over and over again of what was going to happen, but it was also obvious that He did not let it "bring Him down" from day to day. He loved the Father so perfectly; He was perfectly submitted. 

I had to step back and look at my life in light of this. In this moment I knew that I wasn't wholeheartedly desiring the glory of God in this area of my life. If anything I was once again so distracted by the temporal desires of my heart, that the end goal of God Himself did not seem like enough. I can't say that this weakness has been completely resolved after this meeting with the Lord, but it certainly made me understand many things about myself, and most importantly about Jesus and His humanity. It's a small step in the direction of sanctification. 

I know I have to really lock eyes on God, and step back and get my vision straight. I need to remember who God is, to know His character. As Jesus loved God so perfectly, and was thus devoted to Him, heart, soul, mind and strength, I look to that example. Jesus put aside His comfort, happiness and personal pains and endured suffering all for the glory of God - that the perfect character of God be revealed to the world, and the world in turn reconciled to Him through Jesus. 

I have these questions welling in my head, challenges to work through and work on:
How much do I trust God? How much do I love Him? How do I love Him? Do I understand the significance of His glory? Am I fully devoted to Him and to what He loves and desires, at the expense of my whole life?

I'll probably be asking myself these questions regularly. In the mean time, while I was having this conversation with God, that MercyMe song "Bring the Rain" came into my head. 

It's all definitely worth thinking on.