Days End.

First time I've had nothing to write about.

And yet, all I want to do is write about something. I want to barf out my thoughts into a tangible form.

I write when there's been inspiration, when something I deem notable has happened. I don't know really. Nothing seems notable to me this week, just personal things happening, small events. Maybe I haven't been paying much focus to the day's events. I think it feels like I've lived in my head a lot this week. I've been thinking a lot, so while I may not have been very physically active, in my head I feel exhausted. 

I have a girl's brain, a girl's mind, coupled with my slightly OCD personality, I really like to work and almost obsess about certain things out in my head, I keep everything written in my mind, so I live in it a lot. Not the best idea, I don't externalize as much as I could be. This makes me realize that drawing is one of the best outlets for externalization that I have. Pretty neat.

If I had to think about the most notable thing I encountered this week, it would have to be reading this in Psalm 39:

“O Lord, make me know my end

    and what is the measure of my days;

    let me know how fleeting I am!

 

Behold, you have made my days a few handbreadths,

    and my lifetime is as nothing before you.

Surely all mankind stands as a mere breath!" (Psalm 39:5)

 I just love this because it stands out. It hits me differently and inspires me. It stands out against the thoughts and culture of today's way of life. We'd rather not think about our mortality. And when tragedies occur so close to home, we reflect on it for a moment, question why, take whatever meaning from these events and move on. 

When God allows us to witness death in the lives close to us, it makes life real, to me at least. I don't mind remembering my mortality. I want to realize it. I want to know how perishable my life is. It sounds awfully morbid, but I think it's necessary to ask for us to know our temporality.

 I don't want to live forever. I just want to live in the span of time I'm supposed to live, whether that is until I'm 86 or 27. Whatever the number of years is that I have left, I surely do not know. The comfort in Christianity is that though my days are numbered, they are not in vain. My finite days are equipped with a purpose that extends beyond this earthly existence. Somewhere in all of us we seek a sense of permanence and eternity, we want more. I like to think that's because that's the part of us that knows we were made for something greater, something eternal. 

As C.S Lewis said:

“If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world.”

 A verse that came to mind a few days after was from Ephesians:

"Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil." (Ephesians 5:15-16)

As a Christian, I have a responsibility in this life, to follow and serve God. I have a responsibility to make the most of the time I have been given. 

It reminds me of my last post about living with open hands. When we view the time we have on this earth as a gift, that has a specific purpose, we treat the life we have been given with greater respect, and make sure each day counts.