The Raging War

Mornings...

I woke up this morning with my thoughts consumed with worry, anxiousness and concerns over things I could not control. It was tiring and discouraging to have these thoughts weighing on my heart. The war that wages in my thoughts about such things is constant at times. I sway from saying "Yes God, this is in your hands, You've got this, it's Good," to "Why God? Why can't you just help me figure out some way to make this work out the way I want it to?".

Doubtless this is the war waging in the heart and mind of every Christian, moment by moment. 

The solution always seems to simple. We see the bar to which we can attain peace, joy, and rest, and yet we struggle to get there. We know the good we ought to do, but we fail to do it. The mind is a powerful thing, and submitting those thoughts to God is a tough process. I do not have any permanent solutions to this ongoing battle within the heart and mind; no formula to make it stop, or to make it any less painful and trying. All that comes to my mind, whenever I need my thoughts to be saved and the chaos to be stilled is prayer. 

We are all control freaks. For me, it's in my mind where I struggle; I long to hold on to certain thoughts and ideas that give an illusion of control, but really have no benefit and in turn, they keep me from feeling or functioning optimally. These thoughts keep me unsubmissive to God, and leave me in doubt of His goodness. 

Prayer is ultimately submission. Submission that changes your heart. It's willful submission to God's presence and power. In prayer, we come to a place where we desire for our unyielding hearts to be softened and transformed into ones that submit and desire what our Beloved desires. 

Today's conversation looked something like this:

"Why do I care so much about these things? Things that should not matter more that You. Relationships do not matter more than You, money does not matter more than You, God, and yet here I am, trying to get it all together, but still weighed down by both. How do I give them up? When I look to You, they're supposed to become lesser in light of You, why aren't they yet?"

God stirred my heart. 

"I don't want to care about these things anymore. I just want You. I just want to want You, in all the honesty I can muster. Just help me to do this, because I'm not sure how." 

There was a heart change happening as I spoke and reflected. In my transparency, there was a working of God's Spirit in me. 

There is no sense in being anything less than transparent before God. Although He sees right through us, He desires for us to come and learn to submit to Him through prayer. Prayer is not only for us to give requests, but to acknowledge and realize in our hearts and minds, the sovereign and almighty character of God and to submit to his lordship. 

"do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God." (Philippians 4:6)