Choice.

"You are who you choose to be." A famous quote from the tear-jerker, The Iron Giant.

As a kid, I'm sure you were used to having little choice. What did you really know as a 3 year old? Sure, you had a say about what you liked or didn't like, but at the end of the nap time, your choices were limited. And, with the little knowledge you possessed as a child, there were choices you didn't know you had, and so you couldn't make them. 

SUPERMAN

Now that you're older, and (hopefully) wiser, you know the choices you have, you have the ability to make conscious decisions. 

Now that I'm older, I've become more conscious of my ability to choose, instead of letting choices happen to me. The fact is, I think I've let a lot of life happen to me. 

I've let feelings happen to me without restraint. I've let my emotions get the best of me. Each time, it felt like it just happened. I never thought about putting the brakes down to stop the rush of emotion. I never thought about choice or control in those instances, so I let them happen.

My responsibility to choose became real as I realized my life was changing; as I realized God was slowly refining me into Christ's character. 

I am responsible for making responsible choices that line up with the desires of God; the choices I make must follow the character being formed in me. 

The reason I bring this up is because I've let feelings rule me too often. I've let worry, anxiety, sadness, and happiness determine how I live. People ruled by anxiety choose not to accept peace, but neither do people who are ruled by their desire to be happy. If your goal is to keep yourself happy, and the lack of happiness is a problem, there's no rest for you. The reality is that feelings are not a way to live. They serve to help us gauge a situation, and are certainly a part of it, but they do not determine nor should they dictate a situation. 

"My peace I leave with you, my peace I give to you..." (John 14:27)

Gifts can be accepted or rejected. Just because God has promised us peace, and has it in His hands waiting for us, doesn't mean we've chosen to accept it. 

There are habits we need to break and make in tandem. 

We must break the habits of reacting, and of letting emotions and feelings get the best of us. I'm not saying feelings are bad, but I am saying that "you are as happy as you choose to be." (All this outside the realm of depression, I don't want to get into that whole other can of worms). Feel, but don't let your feelings dictate your life. 

The options we get for focus are God centered, or self-centered. Our automatic response is to worry, but a life renewed in Christ must train the reflex of leaning on God, until it becomes automatic. You have to train because there is choice involved. You choose the character you want in you, and in turn, who you want to be determines the choices you make. 

"When will my life begin?"

Ask me if I'm a patient person. 

No. The answer is often no. 

I just hide it well.

Lately it seems that I've been waiting. Waiting and waiting while everyone else around me seems to have things fall into their laps. And again, here I am, waiting. I'm almost (if not already) at the point where I'm sick of waiting. 

I think of that song in Tangled called "When will my life begin," and wonder the same thing for myself these days. When will I settle into a stable career? When will I meet 'the one'? When will I be able to buy a house? When will I be able to drive standard exceptionally well? The questions could go on forever. 

This is the point where you'll all yell at your screens quoting James 1, Isaiah 40:31, or Galatians 5:22 or shout the words "Perseverance!", "Patience is a virtue!", "Good things come to those who wait!" "Focus on the here and now!!" or "JUST Trust God!!11!11". Classic. 

To toot my own horn, having graduated from Sport/Performance Psychology, I get everything that's wrong with thinking about the "whens". If I'm being pained about the future, then I'm not focusing on the now; I'm not fully appreciating all the good that God is doing for me right here and right now, nor am I appreciating who God is and how good He is even now. How very true. But that doesn't stop me from feeling this irksome impatience every now and again, such that I feel antsy and hungering to move on to the next thing ASAP. 

So what? Why complain while I have the answers in hand? Simple solution: just find your joy in the Lord! Appreciate God and enjoy Him! 

Simply said, but not so simply done, or understood. 

For someone like me who has a mind that is constantly ticking, constantly picking things apart, and reading into every detail, and examining things as thoroughly as I possibly can, a restful mind is hard to maintain. I am a prime illustration of the danger of self-awareness, when it comes to faith. It is not bad to be self-examining, and to know yourself, but self-awareness can also produce turmoil. If you want to start learning to "find your Joy in the Lord," and "To wait upon the Lord,", self-awareness must take second place to Christ-awareness. 

In my view, the band-aid answer to my problem will tell me to stop and smell God's roses; appreciate God and count your blessings (though we do need to practice this regularly). An in-depth examination of the deeper rooted issue would say the lasting solution is that we must ask for Christ-awareness. Out of that, stems a heart yearning to worship and focus on God, a heart yielded to Him and desperate to praise Him in the midst of our impatiences, and struggles in the wait. 

Christ-awareness is a Christ centered perspective. Someone who holds that oneness with Christ is constantly reliant on Him, and seeking His perspective and desires. If I am impatient in the waiting, it is only because things are not going my way. My impatience and anxiety are not because I am actually trapped and holed up waiting like Rapunzel, but that I am discontent with how God is carrying out His plans. 

The right perspective changes everything. A Christ-aware Christian is one who is conscious of the life of Christ in him/her, and desires to be united to this life, and to live it out in full unity, no matter the cost.

Psalm 37 describes the actions and attitude of one in waiting; it describes the Godly perspective of those who wait upon the Lord. 

"Trust in the Lord and do good;
    dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.
 Take delight in the Lord,
    and he will give you the desires of your heart.

 Commit your way to the Lord;
    trust in him and he will do this:
 He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn,
    your vindication like the noonday sun." (Psalm 37:3-6)

Patience in the waiting is a fruit produced out of the submission to the Spirit of God in you; patience is grown through accepting, trusting and following through with the desires of God and His planning. There is training to be done in the waiting. 

Pursuit & Passion

Pursuit 

I was asked what it takes to inspire people for God. Truth be told, I really have no idea. I don't know what it takes for a spark to ignite between an individual and God. What does it take for an individual to value his/her heavenly Father? All I know is what God has brought me through, and my personal experiences with Him. I have come to know Him from being in places of absolute weakness and need, and I have known Him in the day to day shuffle. I don't know why I am so loyal to God, by that I mean I can't explain the affinity I have towards Him. This loyalty is truly born out of the Spirit of God in me, He helped ignite the spark. When I took one tiny step towards Him, He came leaping from far across the greatest expanses to reveal who He was to me, and He does this daily. God has shifted my perspective to His so drastically that I can't help but want to follow His lead, and follow Him.

If I really think about it, what inspires me to pursue God, and what makes me passionate about Him, is that I see how helpless I am every day, and I have seen how great He is every day. This realization happens when we connect the events of our life back to God in worship; it happens in prayer, singing praise and in studying the Bible when we encounter life from day to day. Passion for God happens when you realize Christ is the only the hope you have. I've been studying my Bible quite a bit, but two things (in tandem with meditating on and studying the word of God) have really have given me perspective in pursuing God: prayer and fasting. 

Persistent Prayer

"A prayer-less life, is a prideful life." -from Rob McKee sermon on Persistent Prayer. I've been checking out some of the messages from the Life Center, and so far I've enjoyed what I've heard. 

As I've stated in earlier entries, the power of prayer lies in how God conforms our will to be like His; prayer is submission and conformation to the will of God. The effectiveness of persistent prayer is not because God loves to hear us pester Him with the same request, and needs to hear it a certain amount of times before He acts. Biblical persistence always has to do with being persistent to the glory of God. Persistence is not interpreted as 'pestering' to God, because you persist for the right reason, because you desire what He desires. 

The effectiveness of persistent prayer lies in how God shows us who He is in it; God teaches us reliance on Him, and to know His desires through persistent prayer. Your prayers for a specific need have the potential to evolve; prayer evolves in full submission. Until God is your sole desire, and until you depend on Him always and in all ways, you will always have room for your prayer life to grow.  

Slowing down to fast

“Yet even now,” declares the Lord, “return to me with all your heart, with fasting, with weeping, and with mourning;" (Joel 2:12)

In this day and age, fasting happens quite regularly on schedule; some of us participate in Lent, Muslims have Ramadan. Outside of designated fasting periods, to me, the concept of fasting has always been something old fashioned, and meant for those special designated occasions. Call me dense, or ignorant, or what have you, but I had never fasted before. I just never considered fasting to be anything useful to my relationship with God. 

The effectiveness of fasting arises when we fast consciously, with intention and purpose. It's easy to not eat, go about your day and call that fasting, but in fact, that's just starving yourself needlessly. Like prayer, fasting is to the glory of God. Fasting has taught me reliance on God, and almost acts as blinders to help me to set my sights on Him only. By your hunger, you are reminded moment by moment of the sustaining goodness of God, and perhaps given a physical representative and reminder for a hunger for Him. Fasting loses its effectiveness the moment you start thinking about what you're missing. People fast from multiple things, Facebook, TV shows, food, specific foods etc, but the moment you start to concern yourself with yourself, you lose out on the purpose of the fast.

As cheesy as this sounds, when you fast, you starve yourself of one physical, earthly thing, in order that you may know what it is to be filled by God. It is a deeply personal act, and so for people like the Pharisees to publicize it, to make their suffering known, just makes them look really stupid. Fasting is one of the personal, intentional actions we take when we are desiring to pursue God full on, when the distractions of the world just seem to be a bit overwhelming. So long as you don't get distracted by what you're fasting from, God uses fasting to turn our gaze to Him in such a powerful way. 

One who has complete reliance on God has made God his/her refuge. He becomes the place you go to when you are looking for safety, comfort, recovery, strength and protection. God is the one you fall back to at all times. 

"...But for me it is good to be near God;
    I have made the Lord God my refuge,
    that I may tell of all your works." (Psalm 73:28)

"He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say to the Lord, “My refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.” (Psalm 91:1-2)

Passion

In every way, I am thankful for the situations I encounter every day, because in studying, praying and fasting I have come to learn this:

"But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me." (2 Corinthians 12:9)

I understand Paul's passion and joy of being able to boast in the weakness, in order that the power of Christ may rest on him. I too accept and have started to find joy in my weakness and need, because when I am weak, I am given the chance to lean on God even more. I have no choice but to trust Him, as I ought to do in the good times and the bad. For every moment of decision and choice, in trials or peace, each situation is a moment to re-evaluate my perspective so that eventually and completely conforms to God's. 

Sunday Morning Motives.

I remember the time when I used to go to church because I wanted to learn about God. Or maybe I don't. I think for as long as I can remember, I've always gone attended Sunday morning services with the intent of just seeing people. I think the last time I had gone to church with the intent of seeking God first, was when I was a kid. Now that I'm an adult, I'm looking back on my 18 years of church attendance and questioning my motives after all these years.

If you look at the purpose of church, it exists for Christians to come together in community, to seek God, and to build one another up in order to serve the will of God. So in a sense, church is about seeing people. But for me, and probably many others, church has/had become just another social institution, a place to meet people, socialize and maybe find a spouse in the process. Sunday mornings become another day of the week to meet up with your Christian friends and chill while the message flies over your head. I'm not saying that this is the case for absolutely everyone, but I know this is where my head was at for the longest time. I can't say that my intentions to be at church were 100% ministry and God focused, they most certainly weren't.

Let's be honest here, I can't be the only one who has been here/is here, or has done/does this. 

Fill 'er up.

Since when did Sunday morning become about me? My biggest frustration is pointed back at myself. Sunday mornings at church exist with the capacity to make us overflow as Christians. Sunday services aren't meant to fill you up; the sermon alone does not have the ability to fill you up spiritually. The filling is something you must do in your own personal relationship with Christ; in your own time, in small groups, in personal devotions. If you look at the purpose of church, and Sundays, it's meant for us to pour out. Christians come together, united in and for the will of God, and we give of ourselves sacrificially to one another and to those around us. Ideally, we come to church on Sunday already pretty full, and the sermon over-fills us, causing us to overflow. We can pour out because our cup is running over. 

I find myself attending a Sunday service half full or less than half, expecting the sermon to give me enough to be almost, just full. In my experience, when I come to a service half-empty, I'm self-focused: "How can the sermon serve me? What can it do for me?" as opposed to, "Who/what/where/when do I serve with this?"

(Keep in mind, I say all this with regard to mature Christians, not to those who are not Christian, or are just checking church out for the first time).

Social butterfly

When I come in to church with the sole intent of hanging out with my Christian peeps, or hopefully meeting some cute Christian guy, I'm losing out. This is not to say socializing is not a part of being in church or coming on Sundays, or that God cannot grow me as a Christian through it. My point is this: examine your motives. This past Sunday's sermon was about self-deception. I'd say I've been deceiving myself about my motives for coming to church for the past 14 years. I was self-serving; friends first, God second. I still learned about God, but I wasn't deliberately seeking His will. 

I can't say that I was in a 'Body' mindset for the longest time. I came to church to socialize while doing my thang. I had my problems and struggles, talked them out with my Christian friends without looking at them from a perspective of a greater purpose, the bigger picture. I knew I was part of a body, but my mind wasn't set on outright living as a member of the body. I just came in, sat down, listened to a sermon then socialized and left to do more socializing. I had some passion for God, but it got lost in the midst of my desire to see my friends. 

Perspective.

If you have a moment to think, after reading this, then use it to examine yourself. Check your heart and check your motives. Why? Because you're here for one thing, and one thing only, God. Every little thing you struggle with, every good and bad thing, trains you to turn eyes back to God, until you see things from His point of view. Let Sunday service fall under that perspective, like everything else in your life. Sundays are meant for service, not to ourselves, but to God first. 

"Therefore, preparing your minds for action, and being sober-minded, set your hope fully on the grace that will be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ." (1 Peter 1:13)

This is the standard for self-examination. This is the perspective we must have from Monday to Sunday, day in day out. 

Spouse Hunter 99.

Coming out for your PC in 2015. I Skyped with a good friend of mine and, as single people do, we chatted for a while on topics related to relationships. Most of our woes as young people comes as a result of relationships. We create so much stress and grief for ourselves whether it be as a result of being in a relationship, or if we're as single as Kraft Singles. 

Cumberbatch has a girlfriend. I may have cried a bit.

As much as I seem to talk so constantly about relationships, I've been pretty content as a single lady. Since encountering God in some crazy ways the past few weeks, my heart seems settled in its prioritizing of and passion for Him. But even in that, I still have the residual muck, consequences and pains from past relationship-related situations - all crucial to pushing me closer to Him. Of course, I still want to be married, but I FINALLY get how single people are so content, and trust God so wholly. I've finally started to understand what Paul was talking about when he said he knew "how to be content in any and every situation," (Philippians 4:12). 

I never really understood surrender until I took time to know God, and I took time to learn what it was to see things His way. Peace came as I learned to see things in the context of God's will, and what He really desired of every obstacle and trial I was given. 

Trusting the will of God means believing that in all things, His will prevails, and whatever He wills or whatever things He allows to happen, happens with great purpose. When we are for God's will, we never lose out. This is a loyalty that does not come naturally to us, it's a faithfulness born of the Spirit of God in you, and nurtured through trust. All of it by grace. 

I think the best way to describe trusting and obeying God is like being carried by a current. I've never been in a current before, so I don't quite know what it's like. However, I've made a whirlpool in an above ground pool, so I guess that counts. When you're in a current, it's nice to just relax and be carried. When it comes to God's will, it's like letting yourself let go of everything you thought you had control of (but actually never ever did), and just being carried by it. No fighting, no struggling, just letting go and trusting that the current will guide you to safety (which is not the reality with most currents..this only works for the analogy). All this is not to say that there's nothing we can do or should do. We have responsibility to act in trust, to choose, and to endure in the current.

In God's will, like a current, even though you may not see the end of the line, you know you'll be in good hands on your way there. But just because you're in good hands, doesn't guarantee a smooth ride. You'll hit bumps on the way, run into some snags, like tree trunks or branches. However, all that doesn't stop the current from flowing, and it doesn't remove you from the current. Whatever obstacles you face in the stream are meant to foster endurance, perseverance, and the character of God in you. When you work through them in God's strength, and from His point of view, transformation happens. Spiritual maturity happens. 

After being brought through what has felt like a thorn bush or a collection of thick branches, I'm still in among the branches. But instead of struggling against the current, trying to find my own way through, I've been just letting the current guide me, and I'm finally starting to grasp grace, peace, and contentment in Christ. 

So, the spouse hunt is finally off, forever. No sense in worrying or rushing if what you desire is what God desires, everything else will inevitably fall in place. Don't stress, just enjoy the ride.