"When will my life begin?"

Ask me if I'm a patient person. 

No. The answer is often no. 

I just hide it well.

Lately it seems that I've been waiting. Waiting and waiting while everyone else around me seems to have things fall into their laps. And again, here I am, waiting. I'm almost (if not already) at the point where I'm sick of waiting. 

I think of that song in Tangled called "When will my life begin," and wonder the same thing for myself these days. When will I settle into a stable career? When will I meet 'the one'? When will I be able to buy a house? When will I be able to drive standard exceptionally well? The questions could go on forever. 

This is the point where you'll all yell at your screens quoting James 1, Isaiah 40:31, or Galatians 5:22 or shout the words "Perseverance!", "Patience is a virtue!", "Good things come to those who wait!" "Focus on the here and now!!" or "JUST Trust God!!11!11". Classic. 

To toot my own horn, having graduated from Sport/Performance Psychology, I get everything that's wrong with thinking about the "whens". If I'm being pained about the future, then I'm not focusing on the now; I'm not fully appreciating all the good that God is doing for me right here and right now, nor am I appreciating who God is and how good He is even now. How very true. But that doesn't stop me from feeling this irksome impatience every now and again, such that I feel antsy and hungering to move on to the next thing ASAP. 

So what? Why complain while I have the answers in hand? Simple solution: just find your joy in the Lord! Appreciate God and enjoy Him! 

Simply said, but not so simply done, or understood. 

For someone like me who has a mind that is constantly ticking, constantly picking things apart, and reading into every detail, and examining things as thoroughly as I possibly can, a restful mind is hard to maintain. I am a prime illustration of the danger of self-awareness, when it comes to faith. It is not bad to be self-examining, and to know yourself, but self-awareness can also produce turmoil. If you want to start learning to "find your Joy in the Lord," and "To wait upon the Lord,", self-awareness must take second place to Christ-awareness. 

In my view, the band-aid answer to my problem will tell me to stop and smell God's roses; appreciate God and count your blessings (though we do need to practice this regularly). An in-depth examination of the deeper rooted issue would say the lasting solution is that we must ask for Christ-awareness. Out of that, stems a heart yearning to worship and focus on God, a heart yielded to Him and desperate to praise Him in the midst of our impatiences, and struggles in the wait. 

Christ-awareness is a Christ centered perspective. Someone who holds that oneness with Christ is constantly reliant on Him, and seeking His perspective and desires. If I am impatient in the waiting, it is only because things are not going my way. My impatience and anxiety are not because I am actually trapped and holed up waiting like Rapunzel, but that I am discontent with how God is carrying out His plans. 

The right perspective changes everything. A Christ-aware Christian is one who is conscious of the life of Christ in him/her, and desires to be united to this life, and to live it out in full unity, no matter the cost.

Psalm 37 describes the actions and attitude of one in waiting; it describes the Godly perspective of those who wait upon the Lord. 

"Trust in the Lord and do good;
    dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.
 Take delight in the Lord,
    and he will give you the desires of your heart.

 Commit your way to the Lord;
    trust in him and he will do this:
 He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn,
    your vindication like the noonday sun." (Psalm 37:3-6)

Patience in the waiting is a fruit produced out of the submission to the Spirit of God in you; patience is grown through accepting, trusting and following through with the desires of God and His planning. There is training to be done in the waiting. 

Grace So Glorious - The turmoil at Elevation Church

Grace So Glorious - Elevation Worship

This song has been on repeat for me day after day, week after week. When I first listened to it, it left no deep impression on me, but it an impression nonetheless. The melody wasn't anything I found too mind-blowing, but the way the words flowed really left me curious for more. 

I listened to it again. After an hour of listening to other things, I put it on again. It really grew on me. 

The song reminds me of a hymn. It's simple and earnest, and not overly heavy. 

I really do enjoy how Elevation Worship writes songs which, for the majority, center on the character of God. On the other hand, you can have some worship songs that have tendencies to be "man-centered". I find Elevation very refreshing a lot of the time.

The song just paints the picture of the love of God, and the magnitude of grace. 

Other than that, I don't have much to say about this song, as it speaks for itself. There are just songs such as this that make my heart resonate with the words and melody. Songs like this make my heart long and ache to worship and to see the glory of God. 

Enjoy.

*Edit*
In light of the recent blow up about Elevation Church and its pastor Steven Furtick, I still do not take back all I have said about Elevation's worship. 

The church leadership may be distorted and in need of guidance and restoration, however their worship to me stands alone. The music lyrically expresses truth, and proper doctrine. Whatever they use their songs for or how they worship is none of my business nor my concern, so long as the songs, apart from their back story, lead me into worship because they are rooted in truth. 

Much like Paul, as he explained how some preach the gospel out of envy, and strife, and others from goodwill, what does it matter as long as the gospel is preached? (Phil. 1:15). All that to say, that though the intention and motive behind the delivery is flawed, when the gospel itself is preached, in its fullness, that is what matters. We ought not continue to share the gospel out of wrong motivation, but the end point is that God can redeem all things. 

The image and reputation of Elevation Church's pastor has now tainted the worship songs, a shame and unfortunate consequence.

One cannot ignore that Elevation Church is still a part of the body of Christ, misled though they be. As much as people can be in the wrong, they are still in need of grace and guidance. I cannot and will not wish the worst on them, nor can I say "I'm glad I'm not one of them." No one should be left in the darkness to wander.God's leading is to be sought in this situation, and his grace is to be extended. 

Prayer is the primary action in response to this situation that we must now put into practice. 
Who are they to me? They are members of the body of Christ. My church, your church, etc, each make up a chunk of Christ's body, and we need to care for each member. 

Instead of judging and condemning we must act by the leading of the Holy Spirit. I had thought the clear calling would be to healing and disciplining but as a friend so aptly reminded me, God does give us over to our sinful desires when we continue to live in sin and refuse to repent. And also as in 1 Corinthians 5:5, even more drastic discipline must be carried out when sin is allowed to run rampant over and over. 

But in all things, always pray. Always seek God's leading before condemning.